A Cruel Twist of Fate
by purplepagoda
Summary: Addison becomes withdrawn. No one seems to know why. Even after receiving miraculous news she seems to not be herself.
1. Chapter 1

On November 1st Addison Montgomery abruptly ended her budding relationship with Kevin. She was different all of the sudden. She was quiet, and began to keep her thoughts to herself. She seemed to be in a constant state of exhaustion. She seemed withdrawn and her co-workers began to notice. They discussed with each other, but made sure never to broach the topic with her.

A few months pass and there is no explanation. Despite their curiosities they do not ask about the change. They simply wait for her to say something, or return to normal.

Addison Montgomery had difficulty explaining the change in behavior to herself. Not really explaining so much as rationalizing. She thought after this amount of time she would have recovered but she hadn't. Instead the thoughts running rampant in her head made her physically sick.

The day beforeValentine's day 2009: Addison is finishing paperwork, and Violet is wrapping up a consult. All of the others had left an hour earlier, at five. Finally Violet finishes with her consult and she decides to check in on Addison. She leaves her own office, and wanders to Addison's. She wraps gently on the glass door. Addison looks up through the glasses on the end of her nose, and motions for Violet to come in.

"What are you still doing here?" Violet questions.

"Just finishing up some paperwork,"

"Don't you have plans?"

"No. What about you?"

"I have a roll of slice and bakes waiting on me at home,"

"Sounds eventful,"

"Sounds lame," Violet corrects her.

"It's nice,"

"So why don't you have a date? Tomorrow is Valentine's day,"

"I don't know. I'm not really in the mood to date right now,"

"Uh huh,"

"You don't believe me?"

"Not exactly,"

"So...,"

"Addison are you ok?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You seem different lately,"

"Different how?"

"I don't know quieter. You seem very withdrawn,"

"I'm fine," she argues poorly.

"Is there something on your mind?"

"No," she answers to quickly trying to keep her mind from going there.

"Did something happen?"

"Like what exactly?"

"I don't know something traumatic,"

"I'm fine," she replies not answering the question.

"Addison..."

"What?"

"I don't believe you. You know that right?"

"So?"

"Please let me be your friend. Please talk to me. And if you don't want to talk to me that's fine, but you should talk to someone,"

"You sound cliche,"

"I don't know what's bothering you, I admit that, but you need to deal with whatever it is,"

"Why is that?"

"It's effecting your personality greatly,"

"I just... I'm fine," she repeats.

"No you're not. We all know that you're not fine. Something is wrong,"

"It's unimportant. I'm here to do my job, nothing more,"

"I know that, but you can't do your job to the best of your ability if you're being distracted by something else,"

"It's nothing. I..."

"Why did you break up with Kevin?"

"I don't know. We just weren't working out,"

"I didn't see that,"

"Violet please just drop it. I don't want to be psychoanalyzed today,"

"Ok. If you want to talk you know where I am. Or if you just want a cookie feel free to stop in tonight,"

"Ok," she agrees.

"Oh before I forget I'm supposed to remind you that we all have to get our yearly physicals by next Friday,"

"I keep forgetting to do that. I guess I'll just have Naomi do mine on Monday. Have you had yours yet?"

"Yeah I had mine done on Wednesday,"

"So you're still alive then?"

"Um hum,"

"Good I didn't think that I could communicate with ghosts," Addison jokes.

"You can't," Violet smiles, "If you did, I'm sure that you'd have mentioned it to me before."

"Very true,"

"Don't stay too late," Violet tells her.

"I won't,"

"Night,"

"Night Violet,"

As promised on Monday Addison has Naomi do her physical.

Wednesday February 18th 2009:

Addison is jolted from her sleep by the shrilling telephone. She feels around for the phone, and after three more rings she finally answers it.

"Hello," she answers more than slightly perturbed.

"I need to tell you something," the voice on the other end responds.

"Naomi," Addison checks her alarm clock, "it's seven thirty on my day off. Can't this wait?"

"No,"

"I'm sure that it can?"

"No it can't,"

"Ok what is it?"

"I can't tell you over the phone,"

"Is something wrong?"

"No. This is just something that needs to be done in person,"

"I'm going to go back to sleep now," she threatens.

"Just come in. It will only take a few minutes. You can go home and go back to bed if you'd like,"

"This can't wait until tomorrow?"

"It can but you'll want to know now,"

"Ok, fine," she agrees.

Less than an hour later Addison arrives at the practice. She stomps into Naomi's office and stares at her unrelentlessly.

"That's a nice look," Naomi smiles at Addison who is sporting a jacket a pair of boots and a set of flannel pajamas.

"What is so important that it couldn't wait?"

"Why don't you sit down?"

Addison rolls her eyes but also complies.

"I got the results of your physical back,"

"That's what couldn't wait?"

"Yes,"

"Am I dying?"

"No,"

"Then it could have waited,"

"No it couldn't you need to know now,"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong,"

"So why did I come down here then?"

"It's good news,"

"What kind of good news?"

"Miraculously good news,"

"Like what exactly?"

"Are you ready?"

"I'd like to get back to bed please just spit it out,"

"You're pregnant,"

"Shit," Addison responds.

Naomi looks at her in puzzlement, "That wasn't exactly the reaction I was expecting."

"That wasn't exactly the news _I_ was expecting,"

"Aren't you happy? You should be jumping for joy,"

"Not exactly,"

"Why not? Don't you want this?"

"Not right now,"

"You don't really get to chose the timing of miracles,"

"This isn't a miracle it's a punishment,"

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing. I'm going home,"

"When you get in tomorrow I should...."

"Yeah whatever," she responds as she leaves the room.

Naomi wonders into the break-room where Violet is finishing a blueberry muffin.

"What was Addison doing in here? Isn't it her day off?"

"Uh huh,"

"Was she wearing pajamas?"

"Uh huh,"

"So why was she in here?"

"I asked her to come in,"

"Why?"

"Because I had something to tell her,"

"What did you have to tell her?"

"Something great, and she didn't... I just..."

"Just spit it out Naomi,"

"She's pregnant,"

"Oh how did she take it?"

"She didn't jump for joy. She was surprised but not in a good way,"

"Huh,"

"What are you thinking?"

"Maybe there is a reason,"

"Such as?"

"I don't know but I intend to figure out,"


	2. Chapter 2

Thursday February 19th 2009:

Addison arrives at the practice at 7:30 Naomi is waiting for her.

"So how are you this morning?" Addison asks.

"Fine how about you?"

"Good,"

"You're lying," Naomi accuses.

"I'm tired," she answers honestly.

"Why don't we go into the exam room?"

"Naomi..."

"Addison it's not a request it's a demand,"

"Fine," Addison agrees rolling her eyes.

She sits down uncomfortably on her designated spot in the exam room.

"So how have you really been feeling?"

"Tired,"

"And?"

"I have a constant headache,"

"Addison you know what I'm asking you. Why aren't you answering me?"

"I don't know,"

"Any morning sickness?"

"No,"

"Dizziness?"

"Some I guess,"

"How has your sense of balance been?"

"Off. Everything has been off, but I'm fine,"

"Addison you're pregnant,"

"I know that, I understood the purpose of the questions you asked me,"

"Did you know?"

"Know what?"

"That you were pregnant?"

"No,"

"When was your last period?"

"Before Christmas, maybe before Thanksgiving too. Sometime in October I guess,"

"And you didn't know?"

"No,"

"You didn't get suspicious when you missed your period?"

"No. To be honest I wasn't paying any attention. I have no reason to anymore. And I was too busy to notice that I had missed anything,"

"But you didn't suspect?"

"I don't know,"

"Let's take a look,"

"Naomi I..."

"Lay back,"

Naomi does a pelvic exam and then rolls the ultrasound machine over. She squirts gel onto Addison's stomach and moves the probe through the gel. Naomi studies the screen. Addison stares at the picture on the opposite wall. She tries to block out the sound she knows to be her baby's heartbeat, wanting so much to believe that it is not real.

Naomi cocks her head and stares suspiciously back at Addison. Addison avoids her glare like the plague.

"Addison," she says pointedly.

"Naomi," she answers.

"Addison," she says again in a more annoyed tone.

"Um?"

"You're sixteen weeks pregnant,"

"What's that?"

"You're four months pregnant,"

"So?" she questions without ever looking at her.

"Addison look over here. Look at me, I'm talking to you,"

"What?" she finally turns her head.

"You're four months pregnant,"

"I heard you the first time,"

"You didn't know? I find that very hard to believe,"

"I didn't know,"

"You didn't know or you chose not to know?"

"What's the difference?"

"I don't know but why wouldn't you want to know?"

"It's complicated,"

"Whatever complication there is needs to be figured out because you're going to have a baby,"

"I know!"

"Do you? Cause I haven't once seen you look at the monitor. For someone who wanted a baby so much I don't see even an ounce of excitement or relief,"

"It's complicated," she repeats.

"Addison look at the screen, look at your baby,"

"I don't want to know,"

"Know what?"

"Anything. I don't want this,"

"Since when? You've always wanted this,"

"Not like this,"

"Like what?"

"Nothing, never mind,"

"Addison look at the screen, look at your baby,"

"What is it?"

"The baby?"

"Um hum,"

"Are you sure that you want to know?"

"Yes,"

"It's a girl,"

Addison exhales for the first time in months, she turns her head and looks at the monitor. She starts sobbing hysterically.

"There she is," Naomi points out, "and she's perfectly healthy looking. Do you want to do an amnio-centesis?"

"No,"

"Why not?"

"Just no,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes,"

Naomi hands her a tissue for her tears. Addison takes the tissue and wipes the gel off her stomach.

"Do you want a print out?"

"No,"

"Addison you want it,"

"No I don't," she wipes the remainder of the gel off and gets off the table.

Later that day Naomi stops off to Violet's office.

"Violet I think that Addison needs your help,"

"Addison will ask for my help if she wants it,"

"I don't care if she asks or not. She needs your help,"

"Why?"

"She doesn't... she's not... today she didn't even want a picture of her own baby,"

"Some people..."

"This is Addison,"

"I'll try to talk to her but I'm not making any promises,"

"You know what's going on don't you?"

"No, but I have an idea,"

"And?"

"And it isn't one that I like,"

"But?"

"But I'm going to go with it until I find out the truth,"

"But how?"

"I don't know, but I will help her the best I can,"

"This isn't the Addison I know. She wouldn't be so cold, not unless something happened to make her not want this,"

"I know," Violet nods understandingly.

"So will you talk to her for me?"

"Yeah," Violet smiles hoping that Addison will do some talking of her own.


	3. Chapter 3

Violet walks into Addison's office unannounced without invitation. She sits in the chair across from Addison. Addison looks up at her in confusion.

"Can I help you?" she asks.

"Uh huh," Violet answers.

"With what exactly?"

"What the hell is going on with you?"

"Nothing," she shakes her head and pretends not to know what Violet is talking about.

"That's a load and you know it as well as I do,"

"Violet what do you want me to say?"

"I just want to know what's going on with you,"

"Why?"

"Because it's clear to all of us that something is bothering you,"

"Do you know what does bother me?"

"No what?"

"When people can't mind their own business,"

"Addison please..."

"I don't want to talk about this,"

"You..."

"Have you been talking to Naomi?"

"Why?"

"She told you didn't she?"

"Told me what?"

"I know that she told you,"

"You sound paranoid,"

"I'm not paranoid, I'm pissed. It isn't her news to tell,"

"Ok. What if I do know?"

"I don't know,"

"Can we talk about it?"

"What is there to talk about?"

"You aren't happy,"

"What?"

"You aren't happy about this situation,"

"What makes you think that?"

"Your..."

"Naomi?"

"Yes, but mostly the way you're acting,"

"Oh,"

"Did something happen to make you unhappy about this?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. You tell me,"

"There..."

"Did Kevin do something to..."

"What?"

"Kevin. It's Kevin's isn't it?"

"I don't know," she admits.

"Why did you break up with Kevin?"

"It's complicated,"

"Did he cheat on you?"

"No,"

"Did you cheat on him?"

"I don't know,"

"You don't know?"

"I... it's complicated,"

"Did you break your rules?"

"No..."

"I don't understand,"

"It's complicated,"

"Explain it to me. I want to be on your side, but you're making it very hard,"

"I... in my heart I know it isn't Kevin's,"

"I don't understand. Why does it matter? You wanted this so badly I didn't think that it would matter,"

"I didn't think that it would either, but things happen. Things that we can't control happen, and they throw us off course sometimes,"

"I know what happened. You know that even if you won't tell me I know what happened,"

"How can you possibly know?"

"I can see it,"

"See what?"

"That look in your eyes. It's a look I'm all too familiar with. It's a look that I wish I could forget,"

"I... this is not how I wanted it. It's a cruel miracle... if you can even call it that,"

"I understand. If you want to talk about it my door is always open,"

"I don't know if I can do this. I don't think that I can go through this,"

"I know," she nods.

"And I wish so badly that I could. I know that no one will understand, but I just... I just can't go down this road. I don't want to go down this road. I thought that I was stronger, that I'd be ok. I thought that I'd get over it, but now I can't. I have to face it. I can't be in denial. I...I don't want it... not like this,"

"You shouldn't expect yourself to,"

"Will you help me?"

"Of course,"

"I thought that I could handle it by not dealing with it but... you see how well that's worked,"

"It will continue to take every ounce of energy you have until you do something about it,"

"It's not that easy though,"

"I know,"

"You aren't going to tell Naomi are you?"

"Tell her what?"

Addison nods.

"Why don't you stop by my office later?"

"Ok," she agrees reluctantly.

When the last patient of the day leaves Addison wanders into Violet's office. She takes a seat and watches her carefully. Violet remains quiet allowing Addison to start on her own time.

"I don't remember," Addison tells her.

"Remember what?"

"Any of it,"

"What do you mean by any of it?"

"I remember the before and the after...,"

"Oh,"

"And then the next day Kevin wanted to take me out, and I just I couldn't. I just wanted to stay home. I didn't want to see him. I just told him that it was over,"

"How did he take it?"

"He calls me all the time,"

"Do you talk to him?"

"No,"

"Does he know why you broke up with him?"

"No,"

"Do you know why you broke up with him?"

"I didn't know how to trust him,"

"He's a good guy,"

"I can't take that chance,"

"Did you tell him?"

"Tell him what?"

"That you're pregnant?"

"No,"

"Are you going to?"

"No I have no reason to,"

"Don't you think that he deserves to know?"

"It isn't his,"

"You say that as if it's a matter of fact,"

"I can feel it,"

"It doesn't make it true,"

"I just know it's not,"

"You think that it's not,"

"It isn't,"

"Are you sure?"

"No,"

"Don't you think that you should be sure before you take any further action?"

"Violet I...,"

"What if you're wrong? You won't get this chance again,"

"I know, but by the time I get the guts up to ask him for a DNA sample it will be too late. It probably is already too late,"

"It's never to late to start over,"

"I wish that were true,"

"What do you remember?"

"Running out to get milk around midnight,"

"And then?"

"Waking up in the backseat of my car the next morning with a throbbing headache,"

"Did you go to the hospital?"

"No,"

"Did you drive yourself home?"

"Uh huh,"

"Then what?"

"I took a shower. After I was done in the shower I went and traded my car in,"

"You have to deal with this. You know that right?"

She nods shamefully.


	4. Chapter 4

Naomi and Addison are in the break room eating lunch. The rest of the crew have gone out for lunch leaving them to themselves.

"So how are you today?" Naomi questions.

"Fine. What are you really trying to ask me?"

"Are you feeling ok?"

"I'm feeling fine,"

"You sure?"

"Yes why?"

"You look exhausted,"

"I am. I don't sleep,"

"Oh. So have you talked to Kevin?"

"No why?"

"I just assumed since..."

"You shouldn't assume things,"

"He has a right to know. It is his baby... isn't it?"

"I don't have to tell him anything,"

"Addison he should know,"

"I'm not going to do this,"

"Tell him?"

"No,"

"Why not?"

"It wouldn't make sense to you,"

"Try to explain it,"

"I can't," she says as tears burn her lower eyelid. She leaves the room.

So against her better judgement she let those tears burn her checks, and the pain rip her insides apart. That night she barely makes it in the door when something shiny catches her attention. She uncorks it and pour the sweet liquid into a glass. She slowly drinks a glass. An hour, and two glasses later she finds herself staring in the mirror.

"What am I doing?" she asks herself.

She steps away from the mirror and returns to the kitchen. She grabs a hold of the bottle. She wants to drink from it, but she doesn't. Instead she takes the bottle and throws it as hard as she can. It hits the wall and shatters.

She shakes as she tries to pick up the pieces of glass. She goes to wipe up the three ounces of liquid that had been in the bottle. She's finishing up when a shooting pain cuts through the center of her hand. Through irritation and anger she clumsily picks the glass out. She wraps her hand in paper towels and leaves the apartment. She goes next door. She knocks and waits uncomfortably.

Finally Sam opens the door. He looks at her and then motions for her to come in.

"What did you do?"

"I got mad and I broke a bottle. When I went to clean it up I got cut,"

"You smell like alcohol,"

"I know," she answers shamefully.

He stitches her up.

"Do you want some painkillers? That's awfully deep it must hurt,"

"It's fine," she lies.

"Are you sure?"

"Uh huh,"

"Ok," he nods not sure if he should say more.

"Thanks,"

"Addison are you ok?"

"I'm fine why do you ask?"

"You don't seem ok. Is something bothering you?"

"It bothers me that people keep asking me that,"

"You know you can't drown things in alcohol,"

"Sam I don't need a lecture,"

"You don't need one, or want on?"

"Please just don't,"

"I don't know what's going on with you, but you need to get it under control,"

"And just why do you think that?"

"Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

"What?"

"You don't look like the Addison that I know. You look... defeated,"

"Maybe I am Sam,"

"You aren't that kind of a person,"

"You don't know me,"

"I can tell that you're not ok,"

"Sam it isn't any of your business,"

"Maybe not, I'm just voicing my concern for you,"

"Thanks for the thought, but I'm fine," she says sharply as she walks away.

The following day she barely makes it to work on time. Naomi pulls her aside when she arrives.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine,"

"Can you come into my office?"

She huffs, but then complies. Naomi shuts the door behind them.

"What the hell are you thinking?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Sam told me that he had to stitch your hand up last night after you broke a bottle,"

"So?"

"He said that you reeked of alcohol,"

"I broke the bottle,"

"You broke it, or you drank it?"

"What is it to you?"

"Addison so help me I will have your ass thrown in jail for child endangerment,"

"No you won't,"

"Why shouldn't I? You are a ob/gyn you know what alcohol can do to a developing fetus,"

"What is your point?"

"Why would you jeopardize the health of your child over a few drinks?"

"You wouldn't understand,"

"You keep saying that. What is there to understand? What aren't you telling me?"

"Naomi stop. I don't tell you how to live your life, don't tell me how to live mine,"

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"There are some dreams that we let go of. Once we let go of them they're gone,"

"No this dream isn't gone. You got a miracle. This is a miracle, why are you so upset about this?"

"This is not a miracle. It's a cruel joke,"

"Are you afraid that it's too good to be true? That it's going to be taken away from you?"

"No. I don't want this, not anymore. I can't do this,"

"You don't have a choice,"

"Of course I do,"

"Not a legitimate one,"

"You don't get to decide this for me. It's my life I get to live it the way I want to,"

"Did you tell Kevin yet?"

"No, and I'm not going to,"

"Why not? You should at least tell him. You owe him that,"

"I don't owe him anything,"

"Don't you think he'll want to get to know his own child?"

"Stop saying that it isn't his child,"

"You don't know that,"

"I'm done having this discussion with you," she walks out of the office.


	5. Chapter 5

Months, eons they pass, wordlessly. No one dares to ask what happened. No one questions Addison's pregnancy, no one but Naomi. Her attitude toward her own child was still baffling to Naomi. The men they refused to wonder how she got pregnant. So as always time it marched on. Until June 25th. Naomi was in the break room with Addison alone.

"Are you ready for the baby?"

"No," she answers solemnly.

"She'll be here in six weeks," Naomi reminds her.

"Please don't remind me," she answers coldly.

"Have you picked out a name?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"You better get a move on."

"I'm not going to keep her."

"What do you mean you aren't going to keep her?"

"I don't want _this_ baby."

"Addison you've wanted a baby for so long, and now that you're having one you don't want it? That makes no sense to me."

"You wouldn't understand."

"You're right. Addison I don't understand you. I don't understand how you can have absolutely no moral stance whatsoever."

"Naomi I'm not going to talk to you about this."

"When are you going to be ready? In six weeks you're going to have a child. A child who is going to rely solely on you."

"I don't want this baby. I don't want her."

"How can you say that about your own baby?"

"It's complicated."

"That's fine. You can hide behind that, but that little girl, she isn't going to care. She's going to need you rather or not it's complicated."

Addison rolls her eyes and storms out. The rest of the day is frigid at the practice despite the scorching temperatures outside.

That night Addison wakes up around three. Technically it was now June 26th. She is perspiring uncontrollably. She flips on the lamp and tries to wake up. She rolls on her side thinking that her mattress is making her back ache. Suddenly she feels a pool of liquid around her, and she comes to the realization that she's in labor. She gets out of bed.

"Not the thousand count sheets!" She rips the sheets off the bed and tosses them into the washing machine. She pours in some detergent and turns it on. She puts on a pair of flip flops and pulls her hair into a pony tail. She grabs her phone and her keys, and leaves. As she pulls onto the street she dials the hospital.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end answers.

"You're at the hospital tonight aren't you?"

"Montgomery why are you calling me?"

"I'm on my way in."

"Why?"

"I'm in labor."

"Are you sure?"

"Charlotte I'm an OB/GYN, of course I'm sure."

"How far apart are to contractions?"

"I don't know I'm not keeping track."

"I..."

"I'll be there in five."

"Ok."

Addison hangs up.

She pulls into the parking lot of ST. Ambrose four minutes and forty seven seconds later. Charlotte is waiting on her when she walks in.

"Come on let's get you admitted," Charlotte suggest as she moves her toward a receptionist's desk.

"Charlotte I don't think we have time."

"Why not?"

"I fairly certain that I can feel the head."

"Let's take a look," she suggests as they move to a delivery room.

Charlotte offers her a hospital gown. Addison quickly switches her nightgown for the hospital dud.

Addison gets into the bed. Charlotte examines her and then looks at her wearily.

"What?"

"That isn't a head."

"What is it?"

"I'm going to have to turn her around."

"Can't you..."

"There's no time. She's coming, and she's coming now!"

"But..."

Charlotte says nothing more. She simply pushes the baby back up, and turns her around.

"OW!" Addison protests.

"Sorry, you didn't have a choice."

"I..."

"Addison her head is crowning you need to push."

Addison complies against her wishes. She fights the urge not to push, to keep the baby inside. Knowing that this is a very unrealistic plan she does what she's told.

"Push the call button."

"Why?"

"I'm going to need a neonatal team."

"Right."

"Push." Addison pushes, and hits the call button.

"Hello?" a voice answers.

"I need a neonatal team in delivery three five minutes ago."

"Dr. King..."

"Send them now!"

"Ok."

Two minutes later a neonatal team rushes into the room.

"Push!" Charlotte demands. She maneuvers the shoulders out.

A tiny infant drops into Charlotte's awaiting arms. She quickly cuts the cord and hands her to the nurse to her right. The nurse quickly moves her to an incubator and clears her airway. She rubs some of the mucus off the baby. She turns pink and begins to cry. They slap a tiny i.d. bracelet on her and move her. They whisk her away.

Addison is silent.

Charlotte allows her voice to fill the silence, "She's got lots of bright red hair."

Silence.

"She looked healthy."

Again nothing.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

"I need my phone."

Charlotte grabs the phone of the top of the pile of clothing on the floor. She begins dialing.

"You can go I'm fine."

"I don't..."

"Please go."

Charlotte frowns and leaves the room.

Just before Six A.M. Charlotte returns with the infant. She finds Addison asleep, and Violet sitting in a chair next to the bed.

"I brought the baby."

"She's out," Violet remarks.

"She's hungry," Charlotte carefully removes the fragile baby from the basinet.

"She's so tiny."

"Four pounds for ounces, eighteen inches."

"Do you want to hold her? Addison needs to wake up."

"Don't wake her up."

"This little girl is hungry."

"Is she healthy?"

"She's small, but her lungs are ok. There don't seem to be any obvious problems. We'll keep her in the N.I.C.U. for about a week, and then we'll re-evaluate."

Charlotte carefully places the fragile infant in Violet's arms.

"She's gorgeous," Violet smiles.

Charlotte silently rolls up the tiny pink cap to reveal a bright red tuft. "With hair to boot."

The baby begins sucking on her fingers.

"I'm going to wake Addison up so she can feed her..."

Violet shakes her head, "I'll feed her."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," she nods.

"Ok," Charlotte agrees. She hands the bottle to Violet.

"Does she have a name picked out for this little one?" Charlotte questions as Violet feeds the infant.

"No."

"Why is she so weirded out by this?"

"It's complicated."

"I figured this much."

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Doctor patient privilege."

"Right," she nods as she heads for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Home," she answers, "You're on your own until Addison wakes up."

"Right," she nods and returns her attention to the infant cradled in her arms.


	6. Chapter 6

Violet stares wordlessly at the beautiful little girl in her arms. She looks up when she hears movement. She sees Addison now has her eyes open. Violet quietly gets out of the chair and walks over to the bed. She stops a couple paces from the edge and studies Addison. Addison never looks at her.

"Addison," Violet says softly.

Addison looks up. "What?" she answers.

"Do you want to hold her?"

"No."

"Addison."

"I don't want to hold her, I don't want to look at her, I don't want her."

"Addison you don't mean that."

"I do."

"No you don't."

"How do you know."

"Because I do. Addison just look at her."

"I can't."

Violet moves quickly, and carefully. She sits down on the bed next to Addison so that the baby faces her. Addison turns her head.

"Addison I know that this is hard for you, but I think that you should hold her."

"Why?"

"You need to."

"I don't see why."

"You need to connect with her."

"I don't want to connect with her."

"After everything that you've gone through, you get this baby, and now you don't want her?"

"I never wanted her."

"Yes you did."

"Violet..."

"Just hold her for a few seconds."

"Fine," Addison gives in, too weak to fight.

Violet gently places the baby in Addison's arms. Addison sits rigidly in the bed. She avoids looking at the baby.

"Ok, take her," Addison begs.

"No. Look at her. Look at your daughter," Violet gently pulls the baby's cap off. The little girl begins to squirm.

Finally Addison looks at her. She says nothing as she carefully puts the cap back on the baby's head. Without warning the baby's eyelids flutter open. She stares at Addison with dark blue eyes. Addison remains stiff.

"Will you take her now?" she begs.

"Yes if you really want me to."

"I do," she answers vehemently.

Violet gently lifts the baby out of Addison's arms and holds her close. Addison stares at the foot of the bed.

"She needs a name," Violet adds.

"Then give her one," Addison answers.

"I think that you should name her."

"Why?"

"You're her mother."

"I'm not keeping her."

"Who are you going to give her to?"

"Anyone who will take her."

"Addison..."

"I don't want her," she repeats.

Violet doesn't argue, instead she quietly returns to her chair and holds the little girl.

Hours later Naomi stops by. Without a word Charlotte places the baby in the bassinet next to Addison's bed. She and Naomi step outside the room, closing the door behind them.

"How's she doing?"

"She doesn't even want to hold her."

"I don't understand. This is all that she wanted, and now..."

"You should talk to her."

"You're the therapist."

"You're her friend. She'll listen to you."

"What should I tell her? Snap out of it, your kid needs you?"

"I don't know," Charlotte shrugs.

"Charlotte why doesn't she want this baby? I've tried so hard to figure it out, but nothing seems to make sense."

"You should ask her that."

"Did something happen?"

"Naomi you should ask her."

"Ok."

"I'm going to go grab a cup of coffee."

"Ok," Naomi agrees.

Charlotte starts down the hallway, and Naomi steps into the room. She finds Addison in the hospital bed, staring at her toes.

"How are you doing?" Naomi asks touching her arm lightly.

"I should have put fresh toenail polish on," she answers.

Naomi peers into the basinet to take a look at the sleeping baby. Without a word she scoops the baby out of the basinet. She sits down in the chair next to Addison's bed. She gently strokes the baby's cheeks.

"She looks a lot like you. She's precious."

Addison doesn't say a word.

"Addison look at me," Naomi demands.

Addison turns her head. She stares at Naomi, but doesn't even glance at the baby. "Addison what is your problem?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why don't you want her?"

"Naomi..."

"Make me understand why you don't want her. Is there a reason, or are you just that cold?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"I don't understand right now. This is all that you've wanted for years, and now you have it. You have your miracle baby, and you don't even want to look at her."

"I need you to take her."

"Take her where?"

"With you. I need you to take her. Someone needs to love her."

"You need to love her."

"I can't," she begins to tear up.

Naomi shakes her head. She places the baby in Addison's arms. "Addison look at her. She's your daughter. She needs you. She needs you to love her, and take care of her, and make her feel wanted."

"What if she's a monster?" Addison questions.

"She's a sweet innocent baby, why would you ask such a thing?"

"She shouldn't be here. Not like this."

"Like what?"

"What if genetics are more important than environment?"

"Addison please just let me in on whatever secret your keeping."

"She's not his I know it."

"Not whose?"

"Not Kevin's. I can just tell."

"Why does it matter?"

"It matters."

"Why?"

"Because the other option is simply unacceptable."

"Who is the other option?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I don't know. I wish that I knew but..."

"But what?"

"I didn't think to ask him his name while he was raping me," she answers.

Naomi stares at Addison in utter disbelief, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't. I knew what you'd say."

"Why did you have her if..."

"I don't know," she shrugs, "Please just take her."

"Addison if you're going to be her mother then you need to decide now. It's not a something you can change your mind about. You're either in or your out, you can't have it both ways."

"I don't know what I want," she admits.

"You had better figure it out."

The baby begins to cry. Naomi doesn't move. Addison tenses up, "Please don't cry," she begs. She begins patting the squalling baby, "Please, please don't cry." After a few seconds the baby stops crying.

"Take her," Addison implores.

"No. You can't just give her away."

"I thought that you told me that I needed to figure this out."

"Sometimes I know you better than you know you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're going to regret it if you don't pull yourself up by the bootstraps and take care of her. Just try to love her."

"I shouldn't have to try."

"Just try, eventually it will just come."

"I doubt it," she argues.

"I don't."


End file.
